-Ok, so not only is the entrance to this cave filthy and uninviting, but there is also a plant situated there that is trying to eat me…..Charming.
-Heh, it appears I have discovered the ultimate defense tactic against this plant…. standing just out of its reach. It must be a shame to be attached to the ground. Is that the best you got, Handso-
-GAAHHHH!!
-Oh god….oh god….that…that plant…it utilized some sort of insane maneuver. It…it had me in its jaws! I thought I was a goner. Luckily, I was able to break free (very impressively, I might add), and gave it a good bludgeoning with my wooden sword. Still….terrifying.
-In retrospect, a better approach likely would have been to use this sling shot that I’ve been carrying around this whole time, and used a ranged attack strategy. However, the important thing is that I killed it…..I killed it dead.
-Geez, this cave is pitch black. If I were a smarter man, I would have tried to light this lantern before I entered.
-AIYEEE!! Something touched me!!
-*ahem* On a totally unrelated note, there is tall grass in here. Or, there was. My sword took care of that!
-Ok, lantern is lit. Man, it sure doesn’t help the creepiness factor, though. Ah! There are immobile torches in here. Smart. I can save oil this way, which is good, because it is bloody expensive. Bloody oil crooks…
-Ooooh, I found some money in the grass!…..Wait….what happened to the people to whom this money belongs….I….I’m sure they just…dropped it.
-It is so creepy in here…couldn’t they have built a path to the temple that goes AROUND the cave?
-MONSTER!! KILL IT KILL IT KILLIT!!!
-Ok…it wasn’t so much a monster, as it was a single bat. Still! Bats are so creepy! Yeesh! It was the largest bat I’ve ever seen. Luckily, after a few girlish shrieks, I took care of it. It’s because I am brave and fearless. Onward!
-Aha! Another torch! Seriously, whoever set up these torches in here, you have my thanks. Unless it was that guy who gave me this lantern, and charges for the oil. I wonder if it would have made more sense to charge for the lanterns, and give free oil. Who knows? He’s a clever man.
-God, I hate it in here. It’s so unsettling. Whoa!! Another man-eating plant!! You’re not getting me this ti-
-Ok, he got me again. But, also again, I took care of it. So….win-win….chronologically….
-Of course….branching paths. What would a creepy cave be without multiple ways to proceed, both of them presumably containing certain death? Lovely.
-Also, as a side note, there are jars in here, that are stuck to the wall with webs. Which begs the question….where the hell is the spider? It would take a fairly large spider to stick jars to the wall. Actually, maybe they’re just cob webs. Yes….cob webs….someone just needs to clean.
-I think I will goooo…….right!
-GAH!!! PLANT! BAT! PLANT! BAT! HYAAAAHH!!!
-I have killed both of them…..excellent. Still forgetting to use this sling shot, of course.
-Hey! Looks like I chose the right path… Well, I did choose the RIGHT path, but it also happened to be the RIGHT path. As in, correct path. Not just right. Not left. Right? Hmm…Anyway, I consider it the correct path, because I found a small chest with money in it. It almost makes the whole trip worth it. Oh god….I wonder how that kid is doing…
-Oh…..another giant spider web blocking the way. That is comforting….GO FLAME!!
-I know I yelled “GO FLAME”, but really I just swiped the lantern at it, and it burned away. That’s sort of like wielding it, though.
-LIGHT! I see light! Whew….goodbye forever, creepy cave. Enjoy your spider!!! Wherever it was.
-Well, it appears that I have stumbled onto one of the most dangerous places I have ever seen. More plants, of course. Also, more bats…in the day time. Everything I once knew, is no more, it seems.
-Oh, also, there are what appear to be goblins here too. They are the most hideous creature yet. I told one of them that, and he attacked me! I took this time to test out the sling shot. It took about 10 shots, but he went down! Yes sir, my accuracy is epic.
-Whew, this place is infested! Seriously, plants and bats everywhere. Although, they seem very minor now, after dealing with these goblins. Hey!! There’s a pair of them. Let’s do this.
-After many impressive dodges, and flips, on my part, I was able to dispatch both of them with the sword. They were guarding a gate. The gate is locked, though. I tried to reason with the goblin on the other side, but he just yelled at me. All I heard, though, was “Hit me!”. So, I did. I pelted him with sling shot ammo til he stopped moving. I…am a hero.
-Well, I refuse to believe that I came all this way for nothing. That kid is around somewhere, and I, being the hero that I am, shall rescue him. I do not give up. Except on goat herding, I may give up on that…