Posts Tagged ‘link

25
Apr
10

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – Part 5

-Ok, so not only is the entrance to this cave filthy and uninviting, but there is also a plant situated there that is trying to eat me…..Charming.

-Heh, it appears I have discovered the ultimate defense tactic against this plant…. standing just out of its reach.  It must be a shame to be attached to the ground.  Is that the best you got, Handso-

-GAAHHHH!!

-Oh god….oh god….that…that plant…it utilized some sort of insane maneuver.  It…it had me in its jaws!  I thought I was a goner.  Luckily, I was able to break free (very impressively, I might add), and gave it a good bludgeoning with my wooden sword.  Still….terrifying.

-In retrospect, a better approach likely would have been to use this sling shot that I’ve been carrying around this whole time, and used a ranged attack strategy.  However, the important thing is that I killed it…..I killed it dead.

-Geez, this cave is pitch black.  If I were a smarter man, I would have tried to light this lantern before I entered.

-AIYEEE!!  Something touched me!!

-*ahem*  On a totally unrelated note, there is tall grass in here.  Or, there was.  My sword took care of that!

-Ok, lantern is lit.  Man, it sure doesn’t help the creepiness factor, though.  Ah!  There are immobile torches in here.  Smart.  I can save oil this way, which is good, because it is bloody expensive.  Bloody oil crooks…

-Ooooh, I found some money in the grass!…..Wait….what happened to the people to whom this money belongs….I….I’m sure they just…dropped it.

-It is so creepy in here…couldn’t they have built a path to the temple that goes AROUND the cave?

-MONSTER!! KILL IT KILL IT KILLIT!!!

-Ok…it wasn’t so much a monster, as it was a single bat.  Still!  Bats are so creepy!  Yeesh!  It was the largest bat I’ve ever seen.  Luckily, after a few girlish shrieks, I took care of it.  It’s because I am brave and fearless.  Onward!

-Aha!  Another torch!  Seriously, whoever set up these torches in here, you have my thanks.  Unless it was that guy who gave me this lantern, and charges for the oil.  I wonder if it would have made more sense to charge for the lanterns, and give free oil.  Who knows?  He’s a clever man.

-God, I hate it in here.  It’s so unsettling.  Whoa!!  Another man-eating plant!!  You’re not getting me this ti-

-Ok, he got me again.  But, also again, I took care of it.  So….win-win….chronologically….

-Of course….branching paths.  What would a creepy cave be without multiple ways to proceed, both of them presumably containing certain death?  Lovely.

-Also, as a side note, there are jars in here, that are stuck to the wall with webs.  Which begs the question….where the hell is the spider?  It would take a fairly large spider to stick jars to the wall.  Actually, maybe they’re just cob webs.  Yes….cob webs….someone just needs to clean.

-I think I will goooo…….right!

-GAH!!! PLANT! BAT! PLANT! BAT!  HYAAAAHH!!!

-I have killed both of them…..excellent.  Still forgetting to use this sling shot, of course.

-Hey!  Looks like I chose the right path… Well, I did choose the RIGHT path, but it also happened to be the RIGHT path.  As in, correct path.  Not just right.  Not left.  Right?  Hmm…Anyway, I consider it the correct path, because I found a small chest with money in it.  It almost makes the whole trip worth it.  Oh god….I wonder how that kid is doing…

-Oh…..another giant spider web blocking the way.  That is comforting….GO FLAME!!

-I know I yelled “GO FLAME”, but really I just swiped the lantern at it, and it burned away.  That’s sort of like wielding it, though.

-LIGHT!  I see light!  Whew….goodbye forever, creepy cave.  Enjoy your spider!!!  Wherever it was.

-Well, it appears that I have stumbled onto one of the most dangerous places I have ever seen.  More plants, of course.  Also, more bats…in the day time.  Everything I once knew, is no more, it seems.

-Oh, also, there are what appear to be goblins here too.  They are the most hideous creature yet.  I told one of them that, and he attacked me!  I took this time to test out the sling shot.  It took about 10 shots, but he went down!  Yes sir, my accuracy is epic.

-Whew, this place is infested!  Seriously, plants and bats everywhere.  Although, they seem very minor now, after dealing with these goblins.  Hey!!  There’s a pair of them.  Let’s do this.

-After many impressive dodges, and flips, on my part, I was able to dispatch both of them with the sword.  They were guarding a gate.  The gate is locked, though.  I tried to reason with the goblin on the other side, but he just yelled at me.  All I heard, though, was “Hit me!”.  So, I did.  I pelted him with sling shot ammo til he stopped moving.  I…am a hero.

-Well, I refuse to believe that I came all this way for nothing.  That kid is around somewhere, and I, being the hero that I am, shall rescue him.  I do not give up.  Except on goat herding, I may give up on that…

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05
Apr
10

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – Part 3

-BINGO!  I have successfully utilized my new hawk friend into a projectile attack machine!  I tell ya, this grass I keep finding is doing wonders for my image.  Yes sir, this hawk, which I have now named Dogmeat, just soared over, grabbed that baby cradle, and brought it back, right into my arms.  I was actually kind of hoping it would take out the monkey at the same time, but no such luck, I’m afraid.

-I wonder if it really is the same bird every time.  I should mark it or something.

-….Now how do I get down from here?

-Well, I was pretty confident that I could just jump from rock to rock, very impressively, but alas, I missed the roof of the nearby building, and plunged into the water.  Smooth, Link, very smooth.  Now I’m all wet.  Now that I fished the cradle out of the water, I shall return it to its rightful owner.

-I tripped on the way there.  Nothing to panic about.  Man, that lady would have been very upset if her baby was actually in here.

-Out of context, I am sure that seeing me run around, holding a baby cradle in the air, would have caused quite a stir, and gotten some negative looks among the town folk.  Ah, there’s the lady.

-She is clearly impressed by my brute strength, because she wants me to carry the cradle to her house for her.  I suppose I can support it a little longer.

-God, this is heavy.  Are we there yet?  Why does she walk so slow?!

-HEY!  She gave me the fishing rod that her son Colin made me!  You know, for an 8 year old, this craftsmanship is remarkable.  Now, where’s that monkey?

-I don’t know why, but whenever I receive or find something neat to take with me, this tune always plays in my head.  Dun dun dun duuuuun. Weird.

-This man just asked me if I was also planning on putting some bee larva in an empty bottle.  Um, yes…yes of course.  Duh, hehe…

-I have just sort of been running around, carrying this fishing rod.  I do not recommend this.  It is dangerous.  What I’d really like is that slingshot.  Target practice with a fishing rod is frowned upon.

-Geez, this shop keeper lady is so depressing.  I was just hoping she’d have an empty bottle for me to use, and she starts rambling on about her cat again.  Come on, I need something to put this bee larva in that apparently is a really popular thing to do right now!

-I swam back to where I saw that monkey, but he was nowhere to be found.  However, I did find some rocks on the small bit of land back there, and there was money under it, so…yes…not such a wasted trip, is it?

-Incidentally, I have lost the money I found, during the swim back.

-FISH ON!! I caught a fish!!  I was chasing the cat again for a few minutes, then I remembered that I was carrying this fishing rod.  So, I casted out, and within seconds, I had one of those little angels pierced right through the head.  Just beautiful.  Now I am standing here, holding the rod in the air, with the fish attached it, hoping someone will come by and see.  Actually, this cat seems interested.

-HEY!!  That cat stole my fish!!  That little… I just spent 48 minutes finding the courage to remove it from the hook!!  Now he’s gone.  I feel robbed.  I’m gonna march right into that shop and tell that lady what I think of that thieving, filthy cat.

-Hmph, if I was in Albion, I would kick this chicken, out of sheer anger.

Listen lady!! About that cat of yours!!  I…..see…it has returned. Yes, upon arrival at the shop, to yell maniacally at this poor woman, I see my nemesis, the fish thieving cat, calmly drinking milk out of a dish, on the counter.  Apparently, after stealing my hard earned fish, this cat ran back home, and presented it to her owner.  Then, the woman, clearly out of her mind with glee, hands me this half empty bottle of milk.  Excuse me, lady, but this does not fill the void of the fish I lost.

-Ladies and gentlemen, I have bought myself a slingshot!  I went back to the shop to express my hatred for her cat, and maybe even retrieve my fish, when I realized something.  I would rather have something potentially dangerous!!  I have been finding money all over the bloody place, so I exchanged it for this slingshot.  Keep the fish, lady!  Your cat will get what’s coming to it.

-I feel pretty good, right now.  I have a half-drank bottle of milk, and a snazzy new toy.  I feel so dangerous.  I think I’ll go back and rub it in the faces of those little brats outside my house.  Yes sir, nothing is better than making yourself feel high and mighty by showing a dangerous weapon off to some children who could really hurt themselves with it.  Enjoy the little things, that’s what I always say.

-Actually, that’s the first time I’ve ever said that… Dun dun dun duuuuun.

04
Apr
10

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – Part 2

-Oh, come ON!  Now there are kids yelling at my house!  Informing me that it’s morning, no less.  Do they have goats they need herding, too?

-My house has alot of ladders.  Apparently, this stew from yesterday afternoon is still boiling.  I have a picture of a goat on my wall.  For the life of me, I cannot remember why I own that.  It really shows where I stand with the village folk, though.  Those children are just standing around in front of my house!  That seems to happen alot.  It likely has something to do with that “Link’s House” sign.

-Ah, the weather today is great.  Very similar to yesterday, actually.  Perfect for my day off.

-Hey!  The kid finished the fishing rod he was making for me!  His name is Colin, by the way.  Apparently he was just going to give it to me here, but his Dad wants me to retrieve it from their house.  Of course…

-So, according to these lingering children, the shop is now selling a slingshot.  They seem very eager to play with it, however they have no money.  Ah, and this other girl is the shop owner’s daughter.  Clearly she has no interest in lending it to these other kids.  Also, the 2 boys are the sons of the people whose pumpkin patch I trampled yesterday on Epona.  I won’t mention a thing.

-Colin won’t let me ride my own horse!  He would rather just have her stand here, so he can stare at her.  Whatever, kid.  Aww, I can’t stay mad at him, he made me a fishing rod, despite his Father’s delusions.  Also, he has very sad eyes.  Very well, I will WALK to the village.  Heh, I should just buy that slingshot myself.  That’ll show’em.

-Once I reach town, I see that this man is trying to knock down a bee hive….Good idea.  Oh, right, this is the shop owner’s husband.  Apparently his wife is in a horrible mood, because their cat hasn’t come home.  I…really hope it wasn’t playing in that pumpkin patch when I…oh god.

-Heck, I’ll see if I can get the bee hive down for him.  There are some vines, leading up the tree.  Actually, this seems pretty dangerous.  Meh, I herd goats for a living.

-GAHH!! BEEES!!! THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!  TELL MY HORSE I LO-

-Oh….oh god….that was…really stupid.  I…I jumped in the lake…twisted my ankle.  Oh man…I feel like i just lost 2 1/2 hearts, or something.  Whew…

-There is a man with a hilariously tall forehead standing atop a rock.  He spotted the cat!!  It’s just sitting over there, staring at the water!  Now he’s making a joke about it….this man is really not helpful.  Also, he spotted more grass over there!  On the next rock!  Hmm, this isn’t the horseshoe shaped grass, though.

-HOLY-…oh man, that startled me.  I played a song on the grass (it’s my thing), and this bird flew down.  Now it’s on my arm.  Heh, animals love me.  I must be part animal.  What am I supposed to do with this bird… boy, he’s heavy.

-Ok, he’s gone.  That was awkward.  People were just staring.  They were like, “What’s Link gonna do?”, and I was just sort of like “Umm, hey everone…”.

-I fell off the rock…I hope nobody saw that.  Luckily, I landed in the water.  I landed awkwardly, it actually really hurt my back.

-KITTY!  Come here, little fella.

-This cat hates me.  Seriously, I have chased him for 10 minutes.  Then I spent another 20 minutes looking for some grass that resembled a mouse or something.  People thought I was nuts, but the joke’s on them, I found some money in the shrubbery!  Yessir, I’ll have that slingshot in no time.  Then, you know what, I won’t even let those kids use it.  Also, I threw a pumpkin, and there was some money in there too.  Figure that one out…

-Maybe I can utilize that bird into spooking the cat.  It scared me half to death.

-Fell off the rock again.  Stupid…rock…surface…

-AHA!  Here comes the bird again!  This grass, I tell ya, it’s like it was made for this.  Ok, now if I can…try to aim this…just right…

-Nope.

-Miss.

-This is getting silly.

-Sorry, lady!

-Well, I didn’t make any progress with the cat, BUT, I did…purposely…knock that bee hive down!  Yes…that was totally planned.

You know, it’s amazing how much easier it is to climb this tree, when there aren’t bees stinging you all over.  HEY!  There’s money in this tree!  It seems strategically placed at the very edge of the branches.  Not to worry, I do this kind of stu-

-Now THAT was graceful.  Admittedly, I fell out of the tree, BUT, I landed on the blanketed top of the house underneath, with no damage suffered!  Granted, nobody saw it, but trust me, that was impressive.

-I tripped as I went to walk away.  THAT, they saw.  “Whoa there, Link.  Maybe you should lay off the potion, hehe”.  Yeah, well, maybe you should…lay off the….whatever.

-I CAUGHT A CHICKEN!!  I flew with it!! I swear!!  I jumped off this really short bridge, and we soared.  I landed in the water, which wasn’t as impressive.

-Anyway, I ran into that nice lady, who is married to the man who wants me to deliver the package to Hyrule.  According to her, the man left with his sword early this morning.  A reminder, this is the same man who I saw yesterday, slashing his sword at nothing.  I can only imagine what kind of “opponents” he will be battling.

-Hm?  She lost a baby cradle.  Geez, was the baby in it?

-The baby was not in it, she is holding him.  Apparently, she lost  the cradle in this stream of water.  Fear not, ma’am.  I will find your missing baby…cradle.

-I miss Epona, she would have loved this hawk throwing stuff.

-Ah, there’s the mayor.  I should see if he knows anything about this thing I’m supposed to deli- GOOOAAAAT!!!

-So, apparently, “Mr. I-Can-Handle-The-Farm-Alone”, can’t keep track of his livestock.  There I was, chatting with the mayor, when all of a sudden, this goat comes running towards us!  The Mayor was terrified, I’m sure, but luckily, I was there to catch it.  I grabbed it by the horns, gave it a swing, and BAM!  On the ground!  Good game, Goat, good game.

-Ahh, the horse-thieving girl is the Mayor’s daughter.  Maybe she’d like to see me catch another goat.  I…oh…she is not having visitors today, apparently.  Well…that’s fine.   Maybe she saw it through the window.  Pfft, as if I even care.

-So there I was, climbing around on the Mayor’s roof, and…oh, it’s not what you think.  I was looking for….my…other sandle.  Anyway, not only did I find some money up there, but I also found some more hawk grass!  So, naturally, I played the song, summoned the hawk, and, well, it got away soon after, but I was almost certain that something cool would have happened!

-Apparently, another family in town, is making a shield for Colin’s father.  Why do they feed his delusions like this?

-MONKEY!!  I spotted a monkey!  I was gracefully climbing on some rocks, above the water, and I spotted him!  Across the river.  And you won’t guess what else.  This monkey, has the baby cradle!!  Ohh boy, just you wait, little fellow.  You have no idea what’s coming to you.

-As expected, there was no way I could have jumped that far.

-I must find some other means.  Bear with me, we will rescue this woman’s baby (cradle)!!  That’ll show them.




LockeLackey

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