Posts Tagged ‘dark

25
Apr
10

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess – Part 5

-Ok, so not only is the entrance to this cave filthy and uninviting, but there is also a plant situated there that is trying to eat me…..Charming.

-Heh, it appears I have discovered the ultimate defense tactic against this plant…. standing just out of its reach.  It must be a shame to be attached to the ground.  Is that the best you got, Handso-

-GAAHHHH!!

-Oh god….oh god….that…that plant…it utilized some sort of insane maneuver.  It…it had me in its jaws!  I thought I was a goner.  Luckily, I was able to break free (very impressively, I might add), and gave it a good bludgeoning with my wooden sword.  Still….terrifying.

-In retrospect, a better approach likely would have been to use this sling shot that I’ve been carrying around this whole time, and used a ranged attack strategy.  However, the important thing is that I killed it…..I killed it dead.

-Geez, this cave is pitch black.  If I were a smarter man, I would have tried to light this lantern before I entered.

-AIYEEE!!  Something touched me!!

-*ahem*  On a totally unrelated note, there is tall grass in here.  Or, there was.  My sword took care of that!

-Ok, lantern is lit.  Man, it sure doesn’t help the creepiness factor, though.  Ah!  There are immobile torches in here.  Smart.  I can save oil this way, which is good, because it is bloody expensive.  Bloody oil crooks…

-Ooooh, I found some money in the grass!…..Wait….what happened to the people to whom this money belongs….I….I’m sure they just…dropped it.

-It is so creepy in here…couldn’t they have built a path to the temple that goes AROUND the cave?

-MONSTER!! KILL IT KILL IT KILLIT!!!

-Ok…it wasn’t so much a monster, as it was a single bat.  Still!  Bats are so creepy!  Yeesh!  It was the largest bat I’ve ever seen.  Luckily, after a few girlish shrieks, I took care of it.  It’s because I am brave and fearless.  Onward!

-Aha!  Another torch!  Seriously, whoever set up these torches in here, you have my thanks.  Unless it was that guy who gave me this lantern, and charges for the oil.  I wonder if it would have made more sense to charge for the lanterns, and give free oil.  Who knows?  He’s a clever man.

-God, I hate it in here.  It’s so unsettling.  Whoa!!  Another man-eating plant!!  You’re not getting me this ti-

-Ok, he got me again.  But, also again, I took care of it.  So….win-win….chronologically….

-Of course….branching paths.  What would a creepy cave be without multiple ways to proceed, both of them presumably containing certain death?  Lovely.

-Also, as a side note, there are jars in here, that are stuck to the wall with webs.  Which begs the question….where the hell is the spider?  It would take a fairly large spider to stick jars to the wall.  Actually, maybe they’re just cob webs.  Yes….cob webs….someone just needs to clean.

-I think I will goooo…….right!

-GAH!!! PLANT! BAT! PLANT! BAT!  HYAAAAHH!!!

-I have killed both of them…..excellent.  Still forgetting to use this sling shot, of course.

-Hey!  Looks like I chose the right path… Well, I did choose the RIGHT path, but it also happened to be the RIGHT path.  As in, correct path.  Not just right.  Not left.  Right?  Hmm…Anyway, I consider it the correct path, because I found a small chest with money in it.  It almost makes the whole trip worth it.  Oh god….I wonder how that kid is doing…

-Oh…..another giant spider web blocking the way.  That is comforting….GO FLAME!!

-I know I yelled “GO FLAME”, but really I just swiped the lantern at it, and it burned away.  That’s sort of like wielding it, though.

-LIGHT!  I see light!  Whew….goodbye forever, creepy cave.  Enjoy your spider!!!  Wherever it was.

-Well, it appears that I have stumbled onto one of the most dangerous places I have ever seen.  More plants, of course.  Also, more bats…in the day time.  Everything I once knew, is no more, it seems.

-Oh, also, there are what appear to be goblins here too.  They are the most hideous creature yet.  I told one of them that, and he attacked me!  I took this time to test out the sling shot.  It took about 10 shots, but he went down!  Yes sir, my accuracy is epic.

-Whew, this place is infested!  Seriously, plants and bats everywhere.  Although, they seem very minor now, after dealing with these goblins.  Hey!!  There’s a pair of them.  Let’s do this.

-After many impressive dodges, and flips, on my part, I was able to dispatch both of them with the sword.  They were guarding a gate.  The gate is locked, though.  I tried to reason with the goblin on the other side, but he just yelled at me.  All I heard, though, was “Hit me!”.  So, I did.  I pelted him with sling shot ammo til he stopped moving.  I…am a hero.

-Well, I refuse to believe that I came all this way for nothing.  That kid is around somewhere, and I, being the hero that I am, shall rescue him.  I do not give up.  Except on goat herding, I may give up on that…

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